Now, here are some classic English sentences...
The stalwart talks to his students:
# At the ground:
All of you stand in a straight circle.
There is no wind in the balloon..
The girl with the mirror please comes her...{Means: girl with specs please come here) lol...
# To a boy, angrily:
I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk?
# While punishing students:
You, rotate the ground four times...
You, go and understand the tree...
You three of you stand together separately.
Why are you late - say YES or NO .....(?)
# Sir at his best:
Sir had once gone to a film with his wife.
By chance, he happened to see onee of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did no t see them.
So the next day at s school... (to that boy) -
"Yesterday I saw you
WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre"
# Sir at his best inside the Class room:
Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
Cut an apple into two halves - I will take the bigger half.
Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal JUST PASSED AWAY in the corridor Shhh.. Principal is rotating in the corridor....
You, meet me behin! d the class. (Meaning AFTER the class..)
This one is coo! l >>
"Both of u three get out of the class."
Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose today...
Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.....
Take 5 cm wire of any length....
# Last but not the least
Once Sir had come late to a college function, by the time he reached, the function had begun, so he went to the dais, and said, sorry I am late, because on the way my car hit 2 muttons (Meaning goats).
At Sathyabama college day 2002:
"This college strict u the worry no .... U get good marks, I the happy, tomorrow u get good job, jpr the happy, tomorrow u marry I the enjoy"
At St. Josephs fresh years d! ay 2003:
"No ragging this college. Anybody rag we arrest the police"
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
When Gals become Wifes... on writing of some gr8 fellow...
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't." Patrick Murray
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. Hemant Joshi
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want? Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." Henny Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." James Holt McGavran
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. Milton Berle
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive." Anonymous
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't." Patrick Murray
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. Hemant Joshi
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want? Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." Henny Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." James Holt McGavran
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. Milton Berle
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive." Anonymous
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
How to hire the right people!
How to hire the right people!
Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window.
Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.
Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.
If they are counting the bricks.
Put them in the accounts department.
If they are recounting them..
Put them in auditing.
If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks.
Put them in engineering.
If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order.
Put them in planning.
If they are throwing the bricks at each other.
Put them in operations.
If they are sleeping.
Put them in security.
If they have broken the bricks into pieces.
Put them in information technology.
If they are sitting idle.
Put them in human resources.
If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved.
Put them in sales.
If they have already left for the day.
Put them in marketing.
If they are staring out of the window.
Put them on strategic planning.
And then last but not least.
If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved.
Congratulate them and put them in top management.
Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window.
Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.
Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.
If they are counting the bricks.
Put them in the accounts department.
If they are recounting them..
Put them in auditing.
If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks.
Put them in engineering.
If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order.
Put them in planning.
If they are throwing the bricks at each other.
Put them in operations.
If they are sleeping.
Put them in security.
If they have broken the bricks into pieces.
Put them in information technology.
If they are sitting idle.
Put them in human resources.
If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved.
Put them in sales.
If they have already left for the day.
Put them in marketing.
If they are staring out of the window.
Put them on strategic planning.
And then last but not least.
If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved.
Congratulate them and put them in top management.
Monday, July 03, 2006
The Boys And Girls While Using ATM
Difference between boys and girls while using ATM
Boys:
1. Drive to the bank, park and go to the Cash Dispenser.
2. Insert card
3. Dial code and desired amount
4. Take the cash, the card and the slip
Girls:
1. Drive to the bank
2. Engine stalled
3. Check make-up in the mirror
4. Apply perfume
5. Manually check haircut
6. Park the car - failure
7. Park the car - failure
8. Park the car - Success
9. Search for the card in the handbag
10. Insert card, rejected by the machine
11. Throw phone card back in handbag,
12. Look for bank card.
13. Insert Card
14. Look for Secret Box (where secret code is written)in Handbag
15. Enter code
16. Study instructions for 2 minutes
17. #Cancel#
18. Re-enter code
19. #Cancel#
20. Call Boyfriend/husband to get correct the code
21. Enter desired amount
22. #Error#
23. Enter bigger amount
24. #Error#
25. Enter maximum amount
26. Cross fingers
27. Take cash
28. Go back to the car
29. Check make up in rear mirror
30. Look for keys in handbag
31. Start car
32. Drive 50 meters
33. STOP
34. Drive back to bank machine
35. Go out of the car
36. Take card and ticket back from machine
37. Go back to the car
38. Throw card on passenger seat
39. Throw slip on the floor
40. Check make up in rear mirror
41. Manually check haircut
42. Go into roundabout - wrong way
43. BRAKE
44. Go into roundabout - right way
45. Drive 5 kilometers
46. Remove hand brake
47. Call boyfriend/husband to tell how miserable she was because of HIM.
------
Girl wat you have to say abt it .. ;)
Boys:
1. Drive to the bank, park and go to the Cash Dispenser.
2. Insert card
3. Dial code and desired amount
4. Take the cash, the card and the slip
Girls:
1. Drive to the bank
2. Engine stalled
3. Check make-up in the mirror
4. Apply perfume
5. Manually check haircut
6. Park the car - failure
7. Park the car - failure
8. Park the car - Success
9. Search for the card in the handbag
10. Insert card, rejected by the machine
11. Throw phone card back in handbag,
12. Look for bank card.
13. Insert Card
14. Look for Secret Box (where secret code is written)in Handbag
15. Enter code
16. Study instructions for 2 minutes
17. #Cancel#
18. Re-enter code
19. #Cancel#
20. Call Boyfriend/husband to get correct the code
21. Enter desired amount
22. #Error#
23. Enter bigger amount
24. #Error#
25. Enter maximum amount
26. Cross fingers
27. Take cash
28. Go back to the car
29. Check make up in rear mirror
30. Look for keys in handbag
31. Start car
32. Drive 50 meters
33. STOP
34. Drive back to bank machine
35. Go out of the car
36. Take card and ticket back from machine
37. Go back to the car
38. Throw card on passenger seat
39. Throw slip on the floor
40. Check make up in rear mirror
41. Manually check haircut
42. Go into roundabout - wrong way
43. BRAKE
44. Go into roundabout - right way
45. Drive 5 kilometers
46. Remove hand brake
47. Call boyfriend/husband to tell how miserable she was because of HIM.
------
Girl wat you have to say abt it .. ;)
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Friday, May 26, 2006
Which type of woman is yours?
Type Of Women
Which type of woman is yours?
HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM Woman: She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
WINDOWS Woman: Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one canlive without her.
EXCEL Woman: They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her foryour four basic needs.
SCREENSAVER Woman: She is good for nothing but at least she is fun to look at!
INTERNET Woman: Difficult to access.
SERVER Woman: Always busy when you need her.
MULTIMEDIA Woman: She makes horrible things look beautiful.
CD-ROM Woman: She is always faster and faster.
E-MAIL Woman: Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
VIRUS Woman: Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her youwill lose some thing, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything ..........
Which type of woman is yours?
HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM Woman: She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
WINDOWS Woman: Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one canlive without her.
EXCEL Woman: They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her foryour four basic needs.
SCREENSAVER Woman: She is good for nothing but at least she is fun to look at!
INTERNET Woman: Difficult to access.
SERVER Woman: Always busy when you need her.
MULTIMEDIA Woman: She makes horrible things look beautiful.
CD-ROM Woman: She is always faster and faster.
E-MAIL Woman: Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
VIRUS Woman: Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her youwill lose some thing, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything ..........
Meanings of Abbreviations
NAPSTER
No longer A Possible Solution To Escape Record-buying
TWAIN
Technology Without Any Important Name
PCMCIA
People Can?t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN
It Still Does Nothing
APPLE
Arrogance Produces Profit Losing Entity
SCSI
System Can't See It
DOS
Defective Operating System
BASIC
Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM
I Blame Microsoft (or conversely "I Build Macs")
DEC
Do Expect Cuts
CD-ROM
Consumer Device-Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2
Obsolete Soon Too
WWWWorld Wide Wait
MACINTOSH
Most Applications Crash, If Not, The Operating System Hangs
PENTIUM
Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathmatics
COBOL
Completely Obsolete Buisiness Oriented Language
AMIGAA
Merely Insignificant Gamers Addiction
LISP
Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis
MIPS
Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
WINDOWS
Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
MICROSOFT
Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
No longer A Possible Solution To Escape Record-buying
TWAIN
Technology Without Any Important Name
PCMCIA
People Can?t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN
It Still Does Nothing
APPLE
Arrogance Produces Profit Losing Entity
SCSI
System Can't See It
DOS
Defective Operating System
BASIC
Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM
I Blame Microsoft (or conversely "I Build Macs")
DEC
Do Expect Cuts
CD-ROM
Consumer Device-Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2
Obsolete Soon Too
WWWWorld Wide Wait
MACINTOSH
Most Applications Crash, If Not, The Operating System Hangs
PENTIUM
Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathmatics
COBOL
Completely Obsolete Buisiness Oriented Language
AMIGAA
Merely Insignificant Gamers Addiction
LISP
Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis
MIPS
Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
WINDOWS
Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
MICROSOFT
Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Computer Engineer Husband...
Hey everyone... here is my first post after arriving in B'lore... life here is too busy... i dont find much extra time for blogging... anyways here it is... enjoy... stay commenting... ;)
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---HUSBAND - HAI DEAR,I AM LOGGED IN.
---WIFE - HAVE YOU BROUGHT THE DRESS.
---HUSBAND - BAD COMMAND OR FILE NAME.
---WIFE - BUT I TOLD YOU ABOUT IT IN MORNING
---HUSBAND - ERRONEOUS SYNTAX, BORT,RETRY,CANCEL.
---WIFE - OH GOD !FORGET IT WHERE'S YOUR SALARY.
---HUSBAND - FILE IN USE,READ ONLY,TRY AFTER SOMETIME.
---WIFE - ATLEAST GIVE ME YOUR CREDIT CARD,I CAN DO SOME SHOPPING.
---HUSBAND - SHARING VIOLATION,ACCESS DENIED.
---WIFE - I MADE A MISTAKE IN MARRING YOU.
---HUSBAND - DATA TYPE MISMATCH.
---WIFE - YOU ARE USELESS.
---HUSBAND - BY DEFAULT.
---WIFE - WHO WAS THERE WITH YOU IN THE CAR THIS MORNING.
---HUSBAND - SYSTEM UNSTABLE,PRESS ,, >TO REBOOT.
---WIFE - WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SOME SNACKS
---HUSBAND - HARD DISK FULL.
---WIFE - WHAT IS THE RELATION BETWEEN YOU & YOUR RECEPTIONIST.
---HUSBAND - THE ONLY USER WITH WRITE PERMISSION.
---WIFE - WHAT IS MY VALUE IN YOUR LIFE.
---HUSBAND - UNKNOWN VIRUS DETECTED.
---WIFE - DO YOU LOVE ME OR YOUR COMPUTER.
---HUSBAND - TOO MANY PARAMETERS.
---WIFE - I WILL GO TO MY DADS HOUSE.
---HUSBAND - PROGRAM PERFORMED ILLEGAL OPERATION,IT WILL CLOSE.
---WIFE - I WILL LEAVE YOU FOR EVER.
---HUSBAND - CLOSE ALL PROGRAMS & LOG OUT FOR ANOTHER >USER.
---WIFE - IT IS WORTHLESS TALKING TO YOU
---HUSBAND - SHUT DOWN THE COMPUTER.
---WIFE - I AM GOING
---HUSBAND - IT'S NOW SAFE TO TURN OFF YOUR COMPUTER.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Finally at B'lore... New Office
Hey everybody...
Finally i am at B'lore... Yesterday i was my first day at my new office... office is really kool and good infrastructure... and ppls here are also good & co operative too...
Still i will need few days to settle down...
Thanks and hope u have a great day!
Your friend... Amish !
Finally i am at B'lore... Yesterday i was my first day at my new office... office is really kool and good infrastructure... and ppls here are also good & co operative too...
Still i will need few days to settle down...
Thanks and hope u have a great day!
Your friend... Amish !
Friday, April 07, 2006
Happy Ram-Navmi
Hi !
I just wanna wish you a Happy Ram-Navmi.
And on this Ram-Navmi, let's show our gratitude to God... join me in saying a prayer and hope that this Ram-Navmi brings happiness and peace in everyone life.
I wish you happy n healthly week ahead. Take care and may God bless you.
Your friend Amishhh... !
I just wanna wish you a Happy Ram-Navmi.
And on this Ram-Navmi, let's show our gratitude to God... join me in saying a prayer and hope that this Ram-Navmi brings happiness and peace in everyone life.
I wish you happy n healthly week ahead. Take care and may God bless you.
Your friend Amishhh... !
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Moving to B'lore
Hey everyone...
Well just came from the vacation and again dis weekend m moving to b'lore...
guess what?? Got a new job at B'lore... so moving at new place, new work environment, will meet new ppls... i am really excited... I may not be able to post for little while... but I promise i will try my best n keep updating dis blog...
Stay in touch... take care...
------
Amish.
Well just came from the vacation and again dis weekend m moving to b'lore...
guess what?? Got a new job at B'lore... so moving at new place, new work environment, will meet new ppls... i am really excited... I may not be able to post for little while... but I promise i will try my best n keep updating dis blog...
Stay in touch... take care...
------
Amish.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
If you don't like my blog...
If you don't like my blog...
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Bol acha lagta hai ..Bol...Bol!!!
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Vacation...
Hello Guys... Yoooo!! I am very much excited... I am going to my hometown (Ahmedabad) for a few days i.e. from 17th March 06 and will be back in town (Hyderabad) on 26th March 06... I am really excited to meet my family and friends (gf too)... as I am going after a long time... I am not sure if i will get time for posting or not... anyways who care to reads dis blog n my post.. ;) ... c ya...
Amish...
Amish...
Monday, March 06, 2006
Morden Dictionary...
Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.
Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
Divorce : Future tense of marriage
Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ..
Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.
Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.
Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
Pessimist : A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father : A banker provided by nature.
Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Computer Engineer : One who gets paid for posting and forwarding such emails...
-----
Isn't dis true ?? ... ;)
Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
Divorce : Future tense of marriage
Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ..
Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.
Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.
Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
Pessimist : A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father : A banker provided by nature.
Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Computer Engineer : One who gets paid for posting and forwarding such emails...
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Isn't dis true ?? ... ;)
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Love You More Than My Computer.....
Believe me it is true...
You installed the best in me.
Your picture is always in my background.
You clicked my heart gently.
You drive me crazy when I see you.
Your love reset my life and deleted all the sadness in me.
You restored my kindness after I thought it was corrupted.
I'm always connected to you with more than 56 heart beat per second.
You hacked my brain and registered your name in it.
You are the only one that could navigate my feelings
and explore my emotions at the same time.
I feel lost when I try to call you and you are not responding.
I always feel you close to me when
I shut down my eyes, or when I open my windows waiting for you to pass.
You are the only one that can log into my heart and never log out.
I dream of being your only server as long as I live.
You don't have to search for me,
cause we are always linked to each others.
I see your name everywhere,
my frontpage, my homepage and all my software.
I scanned my life and found
that I'm only infected by you.
You are the virus I'd never remove,
and why should I do?
You formatted my life and added happiness to view.
Believe me it is true... i love you more than my CPU!
----------
I love you more than my CPU!... (Amish) ;)
You installed the best in me.
Your picture is always in my background.
You clicked my heart gently.
You drive me crazy when I see you.
Your love reset my life and deleted all the sadness in me.
You restored my kindness after I thought it was corrupted.
I'm always connected to you with more than 56 heart beat per second.
You hacked my brain and registered your name in it.
You are the only one that could navigate my feelings
and explore my emotions at the same time.
I feel lost when I try to call you and you are not responding.
I always feel you close to me when
I shut down my eyes, or when I open my windows waiting for you to pass.
You are the only one that can log into my heart and never log out.
I dream of being your only server as long as I live.
You don't have to search for me,
cause we are always linked to each others.
I see your name everywhere,
my frontpage, my homepage and all my software.
I scanned my life and found
that I'm only infected by you.
You are the virus I'd never remove,
and why should I do?
You formatted my life and added happiness to view.
Believe me it is true... i love you more than my CPU!
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I love you more than my CPU!... (Amish) ;)
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
GirlFriend Troubleshooting...
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A Troubled User
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Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began expected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3,Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run,crashing the system whenever selected.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favourite applications.
I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User.
-------------------------
REPLY: From Tech Support
-------------------------
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this.
Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support." I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation.
I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE.exe. Because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.
Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds5.0!
WARNING!!! NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Good luck,
Tech Support.
LOL... Never upgrade Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 ... ;)
A Troubled User
-------------------------
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began expected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3,Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run,crashing the system whenever selected.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favourite applications.
I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User.
-------------------------
REPLY: From Tech Support
-------------------------
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this.
Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support." I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation.
I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE.exe. Because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.
Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds5.0!
WARNING!!! NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Good luck,
Tech Support.
LOL... Never upgrade Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 ... ;)
Interesting IT Companies Names
Interesting IT Companies Full Names...
- NIIT: Not Interested in IT
- WIPRO: Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output
- TCS: Totally Confusing Solutions
- HCL: Hidden Costs & Losses
- INFOSYS: Inferior Offline Systems
- HUGHES: Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping
- IBM: Implicitly Boring Machines
- SATYAM: Sad and Tired Yelling Away Madly
- PARAM: Puzzled and Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors
- C-DOT: Coffee during Office Timings
- AT&T: All Troubles & Terrible
- CMC: Coffee, Meals and Comfort
- DEC: Drifting & Exhausted Computers
- BFL: Brainwash first and Let them go
- TISL: Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd.
- PSI: Peculiar Symptoms of India
- ORACLE: On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees.
- PATNI: Pathetic Appraisal Techniques, No Increments.
- MASTEK: Mad and Stupid Technicians Enrooted to Kabaarkhana
LOL... Interesting Full names... right??
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
10 Rules For A Good Day
10 Rules For A Good Day
- TODAY I WILL NOT STRIKE BACK:
If someone is rude, if someone is impatient, if someone is unkind... I will not respond in a like manner. - TODAY I WILL ASK GOD TO BLESS MY "ENEMY":
If I come across someone who treats me harshly or unfairly, I will quietly ask God to bless that individual. I understand the "enemy" could be a family member, neighbor, co-worker, or a stranger. - TODAY I WILL BE CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT I SAY:
I will carefully choose and guard my words being certain that I do not spread gossip. - TODAY I WILL GO THE EXTRA MILE:
I will find ways to help share the burden of another person. - TODAY I WILL FORGIVE:
I will forgive any hurts or injuries that come my way. - TODAY I WILL DO SOMETHING NICE FOR SOMEONE, BUT I WILL NOT DO IT SECRETLY:
I will reach out anonymously and bless the life of another. - TODAY I WILL TREAT OTHERS THE WAY I WISH TO BE TREATED:
I will practice the golden rule - "Do unto others as I would have them do unto me" - with everyone I encounter. - TODAY I WILL RAISE THE SPIRITS OF SOMEONE I DISCOURAGED:
My smile, my words, my _expression of support, can make the difference to someone who is wrestling life. - TODAY I WILL NUTURE MY BODY:
I will eat less; I will eat only healthy foods. I will thank God for my body. - TODAY I WILL GROW SPIRITUALLUY:
I will spend a little more time in prayer today: I will begin reading something spiritual or inspirational today; I will find a quiet place (at some point during the day) and listen to God's voice!
if u have a good days in your life so apply that friendship ..i m also your friend..
Be Creative...
Luv you... Amish...
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Poetic Resignation !
-------------------------------------
Employee Resignation
-------------------------------------
Subject: I don't know if I should stay.
The name is good, the brand is big
But the work I do is that of a pig
The work or the brand; what is my way?
I don't know if I should stay.
To work, they have set their own way
Nobody will care to hear what I say
My will be NULL, they wont change their way
I don't know if I should stay.
The project is in a critical stage
But to do good work, this is the age
This dilemma is killing me day by day
I don't know if I should stay.
The money is good, the place is great
But the development is at a very small rate
Should I go for the work, or wait for pay
I don't know if I should stay!
The managers don't know what they talk
The team doesn't know where they walk
That's a bad situation, what say?
I don't know if I should stay.
I can go to any other place
But what if I get the s ame disgrace
I can't keep switching day by day
I don't know if I should stay.
The -ves are more, the +ves are less
Then why have this unnecessary mess
No more will I walk their way,
It's all done, I won't stay.
Thanks & Regards
Employee
-------------------------------------
Manager Response
-------------------------------------
Reply: What I want to say? (Manager)
The decision is good or decision is bad
Only God knows still I am glad
Keep moving in! life that is what I can say
If you feel right go in the same way
May god give you the work, the challenge you want
Anyway there is always a second chance
Chances are there, grab them snatch them
That is what I can say
Keep on jumping companies to get more and more and more....
That will keep you always a fore (Even to me)
From my experience I can tell you
Being in software development is like taking hell out of you
You are frustrated since you have no quality work
And you were frustrated because you had quantity work
It's always like that previous job was better than the current one
And expects the new job will be much better than this one
But what you get is a frustration level up to sun
Than you will again send the resignation like this one
This is all what I want to say
Have you completed all the formalities?
Filled the form and got it signed from department humanities (HR)
Once done you can take all your cash
But don't refer others as they will follow you're a*s.
At last I appreciate your contribution to the company
Even though there was not any....
You will keep a copy of this with you for FYI
Don't feel shy
As I also got it some time back from my old manger say Hi....
That is all what I want to say.
Thanks & Regards
Manager.
------------------------
Isn't dat kool resignation and kool response from manager...??
Employee Resignation
-------------------------------------
Subject: I don't know if I should stay.
The name is good, the brand is big
But the work I do is that of a pig
The work or the brand; what is my way?
I don't know if I should stay.
To work, they have set their own way
Nobody will care to hear what I say
My will be NULL, they wont change their way
I don't know if I should stay.
The project is in a critical stage
But to do good work, this is the age
This dilemma is killing me day by day
I don't know if I should stay.
The money is good, the place is great
But the development is at a very small rate
Should I go for the work, or wait for pay
I don't know if I should stay!
The managers don't know what they talk
The team doesn't know where they walk
That's a bad situation, what say?
I don't know if I should stay.
I can go to any other place
But what if I get the s ame disgrace
I can't keep switching day by day
I don't know if I should stay.
The -ves are more, the +ves are less
Then why have this unnecessary mess
No more will I walk their way,
It's all done, I won't stay.
Thanks & Regards
Employee
-------------------------------------
Manager Response
-------------------------------------
Reply: What I want to say? (Manager)
The decision is good or decision is bad
Only God knows still I am glad
Keep moving in! life that is what I can say
If you feel right go in the same way
May god give you the work, the challenge you want
Anyway there is always a second chance
Chances are there, grab them snatch them
That is what I can say
Keep on jumping companies to get more and more and more....
That will keep you always a fore (Even to me)
From my experience I can tell you
Being in software development is like taking hell out of you
You are frustrated since you have no quality work
And you were frustrated because you had quantity work
It's always like that previous job was better than the current one
And expects the new job will be much better than this one
But what you get is a frustration level up to sun
Than you will again send the resignation like this one
This is all what I want to say
Have you completed all the formalities?
Filled the form and got it signed from department humanities (HR)
Once done you can take all your cash
But don't refer others as they will follow you're a*s.
At last I appreciate your contribution to the company
Even though there was not any....
You will keep a copy of this with you for FYI
Don't feel shy
As I also got it some time back from my old manger say Hi....
That is all what I want to say.
Thanks & Regards
Manager.
------------------------
Isn't dat kool resignation and kool response from manager...??
Friday, February 17, 2006
What if the I.T. industry starts producing movies?
I hope everyone enjoyed on Valentine's Day ... :)
Here is another issue...
What if the I.T. industry starts producing movies?
Some Film titles may be like these : --
Network Ke Us Paar
Meri Disc Tumhare Paas Hai
Aao Chat Kare
Programmer No.1
Mera Naam Developer
Java Wale Job Le Jayenge
Hum Apke Memory Mein Rahate Hein
Do Processor, Baarah Terminal
Tera Code Chal Gaya
Har Din Jo Mail Karega
Debugging Koi Khel Nahi
Jish Desh Mein Bill Gates Rehatha Hai
Raju Ban Gaya MCSE ..!
Client Ek Numbari, Programmer Dus Numbari
Login Karo Sajana
Naukar PC Ka
1942 -- A Bug Story
Kaho Na Virus Hai
Crash Se Crash Tak
Haan Meine Bhi Debug Kiya Hai
Shaheed Hacker Singh
Password De Ke Dekho
Terminal Apna , Login Parayi
Mr. Network Lal
Terminal Sajaake Rakhna
Hackers Ka Raja, Debuggers Ki Rani
Kyonki Mein Debug Nahin Kartha
Phir Theri Java-script Yaad Aayi
Hang To Hona Hi Tha
Leave you comment if you like... or you have any movie name suggestion :D
---
Your Friend Amish Gilani.
Here is another issue...
What if the I.T. industry starts producing movies?
Some Film titles may be like these : --
Network Ke Us Paar
Meri Disc Tumhare Paas Hai
Aao Chat Kare
Programmer No.1
Mera Naam Developer
Java Wale Job Le Jayenge
Hum Apke Memory Mein Rahate Hein
Do Processor, Baarah Terminal
Tera Code Chal Gaya
Har Din Jo Mail Karega
Debugging Koi Khel Nahi
Jish Desh Mein Bill Gates Rehatha Hai
Raju Ban Gaya MCSE ..!
Client Ek Numbari, Programmer Dus Numbari
Login Karo Sajana
Naukar PC Ka
1942 -- A Bug Story
Kaho Na Virus Hai
Crash Se Crash Tak
Haan Meine Bhi Debug Kiya Hai
Shaheed Hacker Singh
Password De Ke Dekho
Terminal Apna , Login Parayi
Mr. Network Lal
Terminal Sajaake Rakhna
Hackers Ka Raja, Debuggers Ki Rani
Kyonki Mein Debug Nahin Kartha
Phir Theri Java-script Yaad Aayi
Hang To Hona Hi Tha
Leave you comment if you like... or you have any movie name suggestion :D
---
Your Friend Amish Gilani.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Happy Valentines Day to every one !
A big loving hello to all of you!
Well, the most romantic day of the year finally here. It is the day to love and be loved. So get set...
What are your plans for the big night ? Do you intend to have a big party with your friends or just with your soul mate ? Well, whatever just make sure that you have an overdose of love this February 14 ! So if you are looking for that perfect chance to let your crush know about it all, just say it ! And as you pamper your sweetheart, do spread some love around your friends and folks as well. Tell your mom just how precious she is with some cool Valentine's Day gift.
Well, the most romantic day of the year finally here. It is the day to love and be loved. So get set...
What are your plans for the big night ? Do you intend to have a big party with your friends or just with your soul mate ? Well, whatever just make sure that you have an overdose of love this February 14 ! So if you are looking for that perfect chance to let your crush know about it all, just say it ! And as you pamper your sweetheart, do spread some love around your friends and folks as well. Tell your mom just how precious she is with some cool Valentine's Day gift.
Valentine's Day doesn’t include just romantic love. So wish everyone a very Happy Valentine's Day, send some warm wishes to all your dear ones.
Friends
Friends are those special people in our lives who love us unconditionally and are always there for us. So on this love-filled day, make sure you let your friends know just how much their presence means to you. Having a true friend is really a blessing. Now if you are so blessed, celebrate it by sending some cool ecards to all your pals.
I Love You
It’s sheer magic when someone says, “I love you”, isn’t it ? After all, the sentence bonds “you” and “I” by love ! So get closer to your special someone by speaking your heart out. And if you can’t gather the courage to say it, worry not. I have the perfect I Love You ecards that will speak on your behalf.
Family
Now I'm sure you’ll have a lot of wishing to do on Valentine's Day—your parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, siblings, cousins, in-laws, et al. Wow, a family sure is a big hub of love, isn't it ? I have a lot of fun with my family and I'm sure you do too. So this February 14 take the opportunity to wish all those special people who make life so much fun and comfortable for us right from the day we’re born !
Thank You
Although it’s Valentine's Day, it’s disturbing to know that many people are lonely and living without love. That indeed makes us realize how lucky we are to have folks around us. So appreciate this gift and say a special Thank You to all those who care for you. Shower your gratitude on them by sending them some heartfelt greetings.
Missing You
It’s sad when lovers have miles to conquer and can’t meet often. So if distance is playing the villain and you are far away on Valentine's Day, send some virtual kisses and smooches to your better half now ! Missing You ecards are right here to carry your feelings forward. On a brighter note, distance does make the heart grow fonder. So why not revel on that cheery thought ?
That’s a lot of love I have just spoken about, being a happy SINGLE ! So evidently, you need not feel sad if you are single. Believe it or not, with a great bunch of friends and folks, no one can ever be single. So smile and party with Valentine’s Day wishes.
Happy Valentine's Day to every one !
Your friend Amish !
Thursday, February 09, 2006
14th Feb is coming.....
14th Feb is coming
So…….
“Prevention is better than cure”
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LOL...
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Rarely available photos...
1) Tim Berners Lee -- Founder of the World Wide Web
2) Picture taken when microsoft was started
3) Steve Woznaik(sitting) and Steve Jobs of APPLE Computers.
He was three months late in filing a name for the business because he didn't get any better name for his new company.
So one day he told to the staff: "If I'll not get better name by 5 o'clcok today, our company's name will be anything he likes..."
So at 5 o'clcok nobody comeup with better name, and he was eating APPLE that time...
so he keep the name of the company 'Apple Computers'
4) Bill Hewlett(L) and Dave Packard(R) of HP.
Behind them in the picture is the famous HP Garage.
Bill Hewlett and Dave Packard tossed a coin to decide whether the company they founded would be called Hewlett-Packard or Packard-Hewlett.
And the winner was NOT Bill... the winner was Dave.
5) Ken Thompson (L)and Dennis Ritchie(R) ,creators of UNIX.
Dennis Ritchie improved on the B programming language and called it 'New B'.
B was created by Ken Thompson as a revision of the Bon programming language (named after his wife Bonnie)
He later called it C.
6) Larry Page(L) and Sergey Brin(R), founders of Google.
Google was originally named 'Googol'.
After founders (Stanford graduates) Sergey Brin and Larry Page presented their project to an angel investor...they received a cheque made out to 'Google' !...
So they kept name as GOOGLE
7) Gordon Moore(L) and Bob Noyce(R) ,founders of Intel.
Bob Noyce and Gordon Moore wanted to name their new company 'Moore Noyce'.
But that was already trademarked by a hotel chain...
So they had to settle for an acronym of INTegrated ELectronics... INTEL
8) Andreas Bechtolsheim , Bill Joy, Scott Mc Nealy and Vinod Khosla of SUN(StanfordUniversity Network) MicroSystems.
Founded by four StanfordUniversity buddies.
Andreas Bechtolsheim built a microcomputer;
Vinod Khosla recruited him;
Scott McNealy to manufacture computers based on it;
and Bill Joy to develop a UNIX-based OS for the computer...
SUN is the acronym for Stanford University Network.
9) Linus Torvalds of Linux Operating System Linus Torvalds originally used the Minix OS on his system which he replaced by his OS.
Hence the working name was Linux (Linus' Minix).
He thought the name to be too egotistical and planned to name it Freax (free + freak + x).
His friend Ari Lemmk encouraged Linus to upload it to a network so it could be easily downloaded.
Ari gave Linus a directory called linux on his FTP server, as he did not like the name Freax. Linus like that directory name and he kept the name of his new OS to LINUX...
10) Picture taken when INFY was started. This picture was found in the album of the clerk who took this picture...
The picture was with that clerk only because it was his birthday and he just told everyone to stand together at one place to take a pic.
He borrow a camera from his friend and as he can not tell any of his boss to take pic, so he took pic by himself... even it was his birthday.
AND THIS PICTURE WAS TAKEN WHEN SUPERHIT SHOLEY WAS STARTED......
They were looking at ashrani when he was doing practice first time with his funny Jailer's dress... ALONE on one rock...
-----------------
Wow... Even i dint saw some pics before i got this email... I really like these pics... so i though to share... ;-)
Amish Gilani.
Saturday, February 04, 2006
New rule for seat belt ..!
Seat Belt
The National Highway Safety Council has done extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt.
Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 45% when the belt is properly installed.
Correct installation is illustrated below...
-------
--------------
---------------------
----------------------------
-----------------------------------
------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------
So what do you feel on new rule of seat belt... lol...
I am comfortable with new rule.... do you have any comment ... :D ??
Amish Gilani.
The National Highway Safety Council has done extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt.
Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 45% when the belt is properly installed.
Correct installation is illustrated below...
-------
--------------
---------------------
----------------------------
-----------------------------------
------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------
So what do you feel on new rule of seat belt... lol...
I am comfortable with new rule.... do you have any comment ... :D ??
Amish Gilani.
Friday, February 03, 2006
A computer virus, scheduled to strike on February 3...
Beware the 'Kama Sutra' virus
Kama Sutra virus to hit India hardest. via. Times of India.
Read Complete article here...
Related Links:
http://www.crime-research.org/news/31.01.2006/1794/
http://news.com.com/Kama+Sutra+worm+seduces+PC+users/2100-7349_3-6030129.html
http://abc.net.au/science/news/stories/s1559542.htm
http://www.stuff.co.nz/stuff/0,2106,3558992a28,00.html
-------------------
Computers can be protected by ensuring anti-virus software updates are current.
-------------------
Amishhh...
Kama Sutra virus to hit India hardest. via. Times of India.
The Kama Sutra is giving computer professionals across the world sleepless
nights. But not in the way you think.
A computer virus, scheduled to strike on February 3, Kama Sutra will
corrupt documents with the most common file types, including doc, pdf and zip
files.
And here's the bad news: India will be the most affected.
Speaking to The Times of India , managing director of Centre for Anti Virus
Technology, Pune, Kailash Katkar, said:
"This virus first emerged on January 16. It has already crashed 300,000
computers across the globe. However, its worst effect will be felt on February
3. We feel the virus specially targets computers with the Norton anti-virus
software. That puts India, Peru and Italy, where this software is used in
abundance, in grave risk. The only way people can save their files is by
updating their anti-virus software before February 3."
Read Complete article here...
Related Links:
http://www.crime-research.org/news/31.01.2006/1794/
http://news.com.com/Kama+Sutra+worm+seduces+PC+users/2100-7349_3-6030129.html
http://abc.net.au/science/news/stories/s1559542.htm
http://www.stuff.co.nz/stuff/0,2106,3558992a28,00.html
-------------------
Computers can be protected by ensuring anti-virus software updates are current.
-------------------
Amishhh...
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Swami Vivekananda - Don't limit your challenges, Challenge your limits...
Must Read...
When I Asked God for Strength
He Gave Me Difficult Situations to Face
When I Asked God for Brain & Brown
He Gave Me Puzzles in Life to Solve
When I Asked God for Happiness
He Showed Me Some Unhappy People
When I Asked God for Wealth
He Showed Me How to Work Hard
When I Asked God for Favors
He Showed Me Opportunities to Work Hard
When I Asked God for Peace
He Showed Me How to Help Others
God Gave Me Nothing I Wanted
He Gave Me Everything I Needed
- Swami Vivekananda
---------------------
Amish...
Monday, January 09, 2006
Friday, January 06, 2006
Time to Laugh....... :-)
arzz hai ...
Hawa mein bindas ud raha tha galib?????????
Wah Wah..... Wah Wah
?
?
?
?
Hawa mein Aazad ud raha tha galib?????????
?
?
Bahot Khub......
?
?
Hawa mein bettab ud raha tha galib?????????
?
Aage bhi to bolo....
..
...
..
...
Hawa mein bindas ud raha tha galib?????????
Wah Wah..... Wah Wah
?
?
?
?
Hawa mein Aazad ud raha tha galib?????????
?
?
Bahot Khub......
?
?
Hawa mein bettab ud raha tha galib?????????
?
Aage bhi to bolo....
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Ruk gayi hawa
Gir gaya galib....... ??????? 
Happy weekend...
[RC:b1c4de84]
Thursday, January 05, 2006
True Indian...
An Indian is having breakfast one morning; coffee, croissants, bread,butter & jam
when a Pakistani man, chewing gum, sits down next to him.
The Indian ignores the Pakistani who, nevertheless, starts a conversation:
Pakistani : "You Indian folks eat the whole bread??"
Indian (in a bad mood): " Of course."
Pakistani : (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In Pakistan , we onlyeat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them intocroissants and sell them to India."
The Pakistani has a smirk on his face.
The Indian listens in silence.
The Pakistani persists: "Do you eat jam with the bread??"
Indian : "Of Course."
Pakistani : (cracking his gum between his teeth andchuckling),"We don't. In Pakistan we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all thepeels, seeds, andleftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell thejam to India ."
The Indian then asks: "Do you have sex in Pakistan ?
Pakistani : "Why of course we do", the Pakistani says with a big smirk.
Indian : And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
Pakistani : "We throw them away, of course."
Indian : "We don't. In India,we put them in acontainer, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to Pakistan.
----------
Amish...
when a Pakistani man, chewing gum, sits down next to him.
The Indian ignores the Pakistani who, nevertheless, starts a conversation:
Pakistani : "You Indian folks eat the whole bread??"
Indian (in a bad mood): " Of course."
Pakistani : (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In Pakistan , we onlyeat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them intocroissants and sell them to India."
The Pakistani has a smirk on his face.
The Indian listens in silence.
The Pakistani persists: "Do you eat jam with the bread??"
Indian : "Of Course."
Pakistani : (cracking his gum between his teeth andchuckling),"We don't. In Pakistan we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all thepeels, seeds, andleftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell thejam to India ."
The Indian then asks: "Do you have sex in Pakistan ?
Pakistani : "Why of course we do", the Pakistani says with a big smirk.
Indian : And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
Pakistani : "We throw them away, of course."
Indian : "We don't. In India,we put them in acontainer, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to Pakistan.
----------
Amish...
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Sholay in IT... ;)
Gabbar sends Kaalia and two others to Ramgad to collect the loot-maar software he had ordered.
They reach Ramgad and started shouting:
"Abe O thakur! Kahan hai woh loot-maar software? Last date to kab ka nikal gaya ".
Thakur [with anger]: "Chillao mat! jaakar Gabbar se kah do ki Thakur Software walon ne paagal kutton ke liye software banana bund kar diya hai."
Kaalia: "Bahoot garmi dikha rahe ho thakur? Koi naye programmers hire kiye hain kya?"
Thakur: "Nazar uttha ke dekh, Kaalia, tere sar par powerbuilder chal raha hai."
Kaalia looks up and sees Viru (Dharmendra) working on a PC on one Water tank and Jay (Amitabh) on another, using a laptop.
Kaalia Starts Laughing and says: "Ha ha... thakur ne freshers ko hire kiya hai, Ye log Programming karenge? In ko to DOS commands bhi nahin aate."
Veeru shouts: "Chup-chaap chala ja kutte. Hum log consultants hain, Kuch bhi kar sakte hain."
Jay hits his keyboard,then says: "jaao kaalia, Gabbar se kahna ki uska server down ho gaya ."
AT GABBAR'S DEN...
Gabbar: "Kitne bugs the?" Kaalia: "Do sarkaar."
Gabbar: "Wo do! Aur tum teen. Phir bhi fix nahi kar sake? Kya soch key aaye ho? Gabbar bahoot khush hoga? Naya assignment dega ...aur increment bhi? Iski saza milegi... barobar milegi."
[Snatches an X terminal from Sambaa]. "Kitne sessions hain is machine mein?"
Sambaa: "Chhey sarkaar."
Gabbar: "Session chhey aur programmer teen. Bahoot naainsaafi hai ." [logout - logout - logout]. "Haan ab theek hai... ab tera kya hoga" Kaalia?"
Kaalia: "Sarkaar, maine aapka code likha tha."
Gabbar: "To ab documentation kar!
Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha.............................................
Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha.............................................
-----
Amish Gilani...
They reach Ramgad and started shouting:
"Abe O thakur! Kahan hai woh loot-maar software? Last date to kab ka nikal gaya ".
Thakur [with anger]: "Chillao mat! jaakar Gabbar se kah do ki Thakur Software walon ne paagal kutton ke liye software banana bund kar diya hai."
Kaalia: "Bahoot garmi dikha rahe ho thakur? Koi naye programmers hire kiye hain kya?"
Thakur: "Nazar uttha ke dekh, Kaalia, tere sar par powerbuilder chal raha hai."
Kaalia looks up and sees Viru (Dharmendra) working on a PC on one Water tank and Jay (Amitabh) on another, using a laptop.
Kaalia Starts Laughing and says: "Ha ha... thakur ne freshers ko hire kiya hai, Ye log Programming karenge? In ko to DOS commands bhi nahin aate."
Veeru shouts: "Chup-chaap chala ja kutte. Hum log consultants hain, Kuch bhi kar sakte hain."
Jay hits his keyboard,then says: "jaao kaalia, Gabbar se kahna ki uska server down ho gaya ."
AT GABBAR'S DEN...
Gabbar: "Kitne bugs the?" Kaalia: "Do sarkaar."
Gabbar: "Wo do! Aur tum teen. Phir bhi fix nahi kar sake? Kya soch key aaye ho? Gabbar bahoot khush hoga? Naya assignment dega ...aur increment bhi? Iski saza milegi... barobar milegi."
[Snatches an X terminal from Sambaa]. "Kitne sessions hain is machine mein?"
Sambaa: "Chhey sarkaar."
Gabbar: "Session chhey aur programmer teen. Bahoot naainsaafi hai ." [logout - logout - logout]. "Haan ab theek hai... ab tera kya hoga" Kaalia?"
Kaalia: "Sarkaar, maine aapka code likha tha."
Gabbar: "To ab documentation kar!
Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha.............................................
Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha.............................................
-----
Amish Gilani...
Monday, January 02, 2006
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